Thursday, February 19, 2015

Better

Good night sleep's last night.
Good writing morning.
Another class of 20% great students, 80% toadstools
So better.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I really don't know

if I can make it through this week, this term, this year, this career.

So many cracks, all getting deeper and deeper. People who say 'oh look there's a crack PROBLEM SOLVED". People who tell me stuff is broken yet complain when things don't work in their favor. People who don't do their jobs. People who make a ton more money than me and don't do their jobs. Admins who ignore you, turn your thoughts into their own agendas, won't make decisions, or make decisions and then realize they were really really bad decisions.

The academy is turning into a 'y'all come' circus, particularly my particular part of my particular academy.

Students who have no commitment to a class...to their own LEARNING....who challenge the way I teach (not what I'm saying..well yes, they don't like what I'm saying but they have nothing to add, mostly because what I'm saying does not fit their neat and tidy worldview).

I worry for the future. The future of professional communication. My future.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Beloved Visitor

Reading "NIM" and have come upon the story of when his daughter almost died, and how it reminded him of his brother's death.

What if I could live my life as a "Beloved Visitor"? How does that change the way I think about things.

Friday, January 9, 2015

My place

I need a place to get some stuff out and it might as well be this place. Guessing that it will be difficult to find and no one will really care what I'm rambling on about.

Need to find a way to relax more--I feel like I"m always walking around with a constricted chest. I need to let stuff go--let frustrations with the job, with people I work with, go. I also need to stop doing the self comparison, which I talked about in class yesterday. You never win. You never get happy if you compare yourself to others.

How to stop that? Perhaps when it starts, break the cycle by thinking about what I have that they don't. They have a better parking place--I got more exercise. They make more money--I don't need more money, I have everything, and more, that someone coudl walk. They have a better title--I am a bette rknown scholar. I have more books. I have more articles.

OK feel better now.

It's funny how I never do comparisons like that with my good friend L, even though she is smarter, funnier, prettier, in better shape, and more talented and successful than I am. Maybe it is because once you reach a certain place in a friendship you know the other person's insecurities as well as you know your own and you don't need to go there. Maybe.

Others I want to kill. Or, as L helped me figure out, just tell them I cannot work with them anymore because they never remember or recall what I tell them or what I send them via email. That I have gone over everything many times and no longer have the time to go over it again.

Working on new reserach with SM from SMU (isn't that nice and balanced). Could be fun and make a contribution.